Monologue of a Broken Mind

Monologue of a Broken Mind

“Move on, Move forward, move on”

You were nothing but a meagre sacrificial pawn

In his game of narcissism and selfish glory;

An anomaly in his seemingly grander life story.

News Flash! Who are you to question him?

His cup of problems is already filled to the brim

Oh you can’t possibly be so naive, hurt and in pain

To doubt his love and affection, you must be insane. 

Crumpled sheets haunted by that unused pillow

Everything's been done, aught does anybody owe?

But your eyes only close to softly reminisce the time,

When his and your existence intertwined and rhymed.

“The way you look at him, is a sight of pure love”

Misguidedly reassuring words by random street doves.

What they saw, perhaps (he did?) he never did, never will;

Yet his one typed word brings your world to a stand still.

News Flash! You are a psycho, not a woman scorned in devotion,

Your deepest insecurities set this dubious match in motion

They should have remained undisclosed,rotting away your vigour,

As fraudulent happiness replaced the ingenuity with a tiring rigour. 

Respect and his time are overrated demands you don’t deserve,

For you feel so deeply- you fell off the practicality learning curve. 

Unwillingly move on you must, it is his perennial command

Your rapturous fondness just disrupts his life so well planned. 

News Flash: You are a hopeless fool who will never discern,

You once caught his fancy, but now you merit to be spurned

For there are far more dazzling eyes and smiles to be found

He is a priceless gemstone, your ‘clinginess’ was pathetically unbound. 

So live with your hopes of the future that shall never arrive,

Women like you are destined to survive and not thrive. 

Let the humdrum of the city drown you and your insolent tears,

You are a deplorable ruin; and he has far more superior frontiers. 

The End

The End

Mourning the death of a heart just unbroken

Incessant emotions conveyed in words unspoken

Wine replaces blood, disdain replaces trust

Pretences born to mend the crevices; now bust. 

Encompassing my entire colluded existence,
A bare thread of hope provides resistance
To the agonising sensibilities so obligatory-
Spirit relives with supreme pining- all the spent glory.

As lonely sunsets replace embracing sunrises so warm-

The empty space in my bed now brews the perfect storm

With ingredients of eternal longing and the ultimate gloom

Yet my bones await, for after winter, spring flowers do bloom. 

Your boundless, pure sheltered warmth is not mine to claim;

Moist eyes, quivering hands, bent knees still breathe your name. 

What was once ours, becomes yours and hers without chastity

My romanticism of craving your embrace will never succumb to laxity. 

A journey for two lovers, the destination was for two strangers, 

Expected obstacles do now the fragile soul do they endanger

But unconditional love surpasses restraints and lets one grow

And I shall wait in utter languish for you and your worth; must you show. 

The Loss

The Loss

The pain pierces a heart filled with love;

Yearning for the one sent from above.

By angels of hope or demons of fate,

One never finds out before its too late. 

The nocuous deed has been done

He will remain forever  my ‘the one’, 

I will eagerly wait for the eons to pass

Surviving on memories created to last. 

His smile frozen in time is my sunshine

His lingering heartbeat replaces my lifeline;

The shape of his hand plastered on my palm

The melodies of his voice are a warming balm.

This summer will be filled with the coldest nights

The ghosts of yesterday illuminated by city lights. 

Desperate tears that have graced my pillows

Will emulate, on a full moon night, the pacific billows.

No words, no prayers will ever materialise

The infinite love I sought as my precious prize

For the battles I’ve fought, some won some lost; 

I am destined to be crumbled by destiny's true cost.

Aloof

Aloof

In the midst of the haze and the mist
Amongst the swarming city dwellers;

I contest to walk at a pace yet unset,

For time is something I cannot help but desist. 

Living the fantasy of the a past long gone

Gratitude - I must display; but sadly 

This is the portrait I never perceived

That my ambition was nothing but a con;

A con that has an unsettling lurch; 

Like with the changing phases of the moon

Drives tides to erratic, staggering heights -

in life it thwarts a smile with loneliness’ smirch. 

“Be strong, you have a bright future ahead” 

An antiquated cliche heard one too many times. For
they must fail to comprehend the arduous struggle,
 as the heart outstrips the mind on a sharp,fragile thread. 

Longing to be someones constant in the midst of change,

Abrupt reminders that pierce the psyche reveal themselves - 

everywhere, whenever the soul becomes wanderlust;

Genuine love is no longer a currency of exchange. 

#25 Hurt locker

Hurt locker 

When you have a heart made of glass
And a wildflower disposition
The hurt locker is your best shelter
For another heart is never your acquisition. 

You pray and you hope and you give
But the lack in you pioneers
For you love and you sin and you live
But your inability to hide it, are the malicious spears. 

You say out loud what needs to be spoken
Inhibitions have never been your best friend
You falter for you always fail to realize
Transparency is the real maleficent fiend 

In a judgmental world you are thriving
Your feelings have no place no here
You have to survive with the winding
For no matter how cutthroat, your story is mere.

Hearts are not meant for iron lockers

Yet the facades overshadow fantasies

You move places, but your story has the same fate

You are a lone ranger fighting the unpredictable seas.

Put on a bulletproof vest, the best days are far behind

Lonely concrete jungles have no empathy
Befriend solitude for like mindedness doesn't exist
In this zone of brevity, affection doesn't trespass the empty. 
 

#24 The O.N.S

The O.N.S 

Surrendering plans, the dreamer awakes

fantasies are possibilities, there are no stakes.

Losses and wins, catches and misses

now long abandoned with all the misplaced kisses.

Wanderlust youth, just existing and not being

drunk on a love that’s only deceiving.

Reaching out for hands that were never there,

they lay wasted in the one night stand’s flair . 

Eyes refuse to meet, scared they would all reveal;

warmth seeking bodies, now as cold as steel,

craving simple assurances - be there no sorrow, 

let this be the beginning, a promise of a tomorrow. 

Bated breaths fill the unaccustomed space

as the guilty ego and satiated desire set the pace

for malicious games of the hunter and it’s prey, 

set up to the lead the souls in this union astray

The weaker link gets trapped in the facades- 

novel moments strengthening them against all odds. 

Red memories created in a mystical grey haze

Blue nightmares now fuel the woe’s golden blaze. 

Freeze the search for reason behind lost meanings

carefully tread through imminent dealings

shush the voice that tells you otherwise, 

for these conquests come without a prize. 

Revel in the game played, raise no hope

let the numbness be the glass-lined rope

guiding you to the ambiguous conclusion -  

someday, you shall decipher this illusion. 

# 23 The Climax

The Climax

When waves come to standstill, 

the Ocean of emotions parts

to make way for the overkill - 

an ego injured with fate’s darts. 

The poet draws out its magnanimous weapon,

but this is no battlefield for words.

The fiend then solitude does it beckon;

And so it arrives in malicious herds. 

This solitary dialogue is no mistaken friend

it’s sweet nectar laced with deceit

the poet’s failed attempts to transcend, 

ink now flows in the color of defeat.

Forget the breath, forget the sight

soothing familiarity no longer lingers.

An authentic surrender in its finest might-

breaks the chorus of empathetic singers. 

The waves are now set in motion,

the poet’s left lusting after the thrill,

drinking the potion of mortal devotion

imagination then, becomes his bastille.