Monologue of a Broken Mind

Monologue of a Broken Mind

“Move on, Move forward, move on”

You were nothing but a meagre sacrificial pawn

In his game of narcissism and selfish glory;

An anomaly in his seemingly grander life story.

News Flash! Who are you to question him?

His cup of problems is already filled to the brim

Oh you can’t possibly be so naive, hurt and in pain

To doubt his love and affection, you must be insane. 

Crumpled sheets haunted by that unused pillow

Everything's been done, aught does anybody owe?

But your eyes only close to softly reminisce the time,

When his and your existence intertwined and rhymed.

“The way you look at him, is a sight of pure love”

Misguidedly reassuring words by random street doves.

What they saw, perhaps (he did?) he never did, never will;

Yet his one typed word brings your world to a stand still.

News Flash! You are a psycho, not a woman scorned in devotion,

Your deepest insecurities set this dubious match in motion

They should have remained undisclosed,rotting away your vigour,

As fraudulent happiness replaced the ingenuity with a tiring rigour. 

Respect and his time are overrated demands you don’t deserve,

For you feel so deeply- you fell off the practicality learning curve. 

Unwillingly move on you must, it is his perennial command

Your rapturous fondness just disrupts his life so well planned. 

News Flash: You are a hopeless fool who will never discern,

You once caught his fancy, but now you merit to be spurned

For there are far more dazzling eyes and smiles to be found

He is a priceless gemstone, your ‘clinginess’ was pathetically unbound. 

So live with your hopes of the future that shall never arrive,

Women like you are destined to survive and not thrive. 

Let the humdrum of the city drown you and your insolent tears,

You are a deplorable ruin; and he has far more superior frontiers. 

The End

The End

Mourning the death of a heart just unbroken

Incessant emotions conveyed in words unspoken

Wine replaces blood, disdain replaces trust

Pretences born to mend the crevices; now bust. 

Encompassing my entire colluded existence,
A bare thread of hope provides resistance
To the agonising sensibilities so obligatory-
Spirit relives with supreme pining- all the spent glory.

As lonely sunsets replace embracing sunrises so warm-

The empty space in my bed now brews the perfect storm

With ingredients of eternal longing and the ultimate gloom

Yet my bones await, for after winter, spring flowers do bloom. 

Your boundless, pure sheltered warmth is not mine to claim;

Moist eyes, quivering hands, bent knees still breathe your name. 

What was once ours, becomes yours and hers without chastity

My romanticism of craving your embrace will never succumb to laxity. 

A journey for two lovers, the destination was for two strangers, 

Expected obstacles do now the fragile soul do they endanger

But unconditional love surpasses restraints and lets one grow

And I shall wait in utter languish for you and your worth; must you show. 

The Loss

The Loss

The pain pierces a heart filled with love;

Yearning for the one sent from above.

By angels of hope or demons of fate,

One never finds out before its too late. 

The nocuous deed has been done

He will remain forever  my ‘the one’, 

I will eagerly wait for the eons to pass

Surviving on memories created to last. 

His smile frozen in time is my sunshine

His lingering heartbeat replaces my lifeline;

The shape of his hand plastered on my palm

The melodies of his voice are a warming balm.

This summer will be filled with the coldest nights

The ghosts of yesterday illuminated by city lights. 

Desperate tears that have graced my pillows

Will emulate, on a full moon night, the pacific billows.

No words, no prayers will ever materialise

The infinite love I sought as my precious prize

For the battles I’ve fought, some won some lost; 

I am destined to be crumbled by destiny's true cost.

Aloof

Aloof

In the midst of the haze and the mist
Amongst the swarming city dwellers;

I contest to walk at a pace yet unset,

For time is something I cannot help but desist. 

Living the fantasy of the a past long gone

Gratitude - I must display; but sadly 

This is the portrait I never perceived

That my ambition was nothing but a con;

A con that has an unsettling lurch; 

Like with the changing phases of the moon

Drives tides to erratic, staggering heights -

in life it thwarts a smile with loneliness’ smirch. 

“Be strong, you have a bright future ahead” 

An antiquated cliche heard one too many times. For
they must fail to comprehend the arduous struggle,
 as the heart outstrips the mind on a sharp,fragile thread. 

Longing to be someones constant in the midst of change,

Abrupt reminders that pierce the psyche reveal themselves - 

everywhere, whenever the soul becomes wanderlust;

Genuine love is no longer a currency of exchange. 

#25 Hurt locker

Hurt locker 

When you have a heart made of glass
And a wildflower disposition
The hurt locker is your best shelter
For another heart is never your acquisition. 

You pray and you hope and you give
But the lack in you pioneers
For you love and you sin and you live
But your inability to hide it, are the malicious spears. 

You say out loud what needs to be spoken
Inhibitions have never been your best friend
You falter for you always fail to realize
Transparency is the real maleficent fiend 

In a judgmental world you are thriving
Your feelings have no place no here
You have to survive with the winding
For no matter how cutthroat, your story is mere.

Hearts are not meant for iron lockers

Yet the facades overshadow fantasies

You move places, but your story has the same fate

You are a lone ranger fighting the unpredictable seas.

Put on a bulletproof vest, the best days are far behind

Lonely concrete jungles have no empathy
Befriend solitude for like mindedness doesn't exist
In this zone of brevity, affection doesn't trespass the empty. 
 

#24 The O.N.S

The O.N.S 

Surrendering plans, the dreamer awakes

fantasies are possibilities, there are no stakes.

Losses and wins, catches and misses

now long abandoned with all the misplaced kisses.

Wanderlust youth, just existing and not being

drunk on a love that’s only deceiving.

Reaching out for hands that were never there,

they lay wasted in the one night stand’s flair . 

Eyes refuse to meet, scared they would all reveal;

warmth seeking bodies, now as cold as steel,

craving simple assurances - be there no sorrow, 

let this be the beginning, a promise of a tomorrow. 

Bated breaths fill the unaccustomed space

as the guilty ego and satiated desire set the pace

for malicious games of the hunter and it’s prey, 

set up to the lead the souls in this union astray

The weaker link gets trapped in the facades- 

novel moments strengthening them against all odds. 

Red memories created in a mystical grey haze

Blue nightmares now fuel the woe’s golden blaze. 

Freeze the search for reason behind lost meanings

carefully tread through imminent dealings

shush the voice that tells you otherwise, 

for these conquests come without a prize. 

Revel in the game played, raise no hope

let the numbness be the glass-lined rope

guiding you to the ambiguous conclusion -  

someday, you shall decipher this illusion. 

# 23 The Climax

The Climax

When waves come to standstill, 

the Ocean of emotions parts

to make way for the overkill - 

an ego injured with fate’s darts. 

The poet draws out its magnanimous weapon,

but this is no battlefield for words.

The fiend then solitude does it beckon;

And so it arrives in malicious herds. 

This solitary dialogue is no mistaken friend

it’s sweet nectar laced with deceit

the poet’s failed attempts to transcend, 

ink now flows in the color of defeat.

Forget the breath, forget the sight

soothing familiarity no longer lingers.

An authentic surrender in its finest might-

breaks the chorus of empathetic singers. 

The waves are now set in motion,

the poet’s left lusting after the thrill,

drinking the potion of mortal devotion

imagination then, becomes his bastille. 

#22 Concious

Conscious 

Having lost so many wonderful things,
Only to attain the better
When happenstances overshadow happenings
They reveal the hidden letter -
Emancipation lies in slumber, a leap of faith away
Shedding fear, embracing your tears
Realizing that transcendental things will sway.
Before time passes by the eonic years-
Never crumble like the wooden walls,
Sweeping away those mutable insecurities-
Fortune will then embrace the implorable calls
For serendipity and intimate abundance.

#21 The One

The One

Unrequited. Affliction. Infinite pursuit of bliss,
Wrecked lusting after the fervor of the first kiss.
My sole companion - dreaded solitude.
Chimeras unfulfilled; Save the gratitude -
For The One that is to come they say,
The lingering sympathy is their sole deed to pay.

Envisage into your holistic existence
A forbearing, everlasting presence.
Promise of a being that nourishes -
The One erases all antecedent blemishes,
Leaves you with happiness abound
Naught but serenity and mirth is heard aloud.

But The One never arrives.
Is he lost? Behind obscurity why does he hide?
Perfection is never sought; only complied -
Is that my flaws he amend or hold with pride.
And fulfill my thirst for colloquy with eternal abate,
As dawn turns to dusk; night into day does it fade.

A  wordless zealous prayer is spoken,
 A soul that is enduringly crushed by societal burden;
Queries as to why essentialism to it is denied,
But for others, it has been the conventional guide.
The soul, it’s fragile strings had been entwined
With the labyrinth, yet the search turns out blind.

Fading away from the oblivion, despair wistfully persists
Vanity vanishes, the incessant heart now resists -
The company it had previously coveted profoundly
In the wake of defeat, it now rests soundly.
For The One, so meticulously imagined and created
Was just a figment of fantasy that was once sated.

# 20 Revival

Revival 

 In the melancholy of life

Sense of gratitude eludes us. 

When persuading lust becomes our strife, 

Posses more and more we must. 

Months pass like a swarm of butterflies

Before beds of flowers appear

Beneath the show of laughs and tears, lies

The common question - who is the loser, who the pioneer?

An inevitable ending is already written

Hidden behind the shroud of delusion

With material things we are so deeply smitten

We embark on a spiral spearheaded by illusion. 

Chasing things we cannot attain,

When on a drop in the roller-coaster ride

We hold on to the rails of deceit to sustain,

Leaving behind of ashes of the good with every stride.

Finding one's purpose, arduously losing our identity

Tar replaces our blood and our pain

Love and romance, now just things of vanity

We switch off our emotions as jealousy takes reign.

As our skin turns blue, our hearts green

When life becomes a game of survival

The sacred words are no longer what they mean

We are left searching for the lighthouse of revival. 

#19 A Devious Wait.

I have evolved from writing poems of sorrow and woe to writing poems of love and happiness. Why, I wonder. Well the object of my affection, so to speak, has no clue how I feel. For all I know is that somewhere in the recent past my old messed up self went ahead and true to it's character messed up a lot of things. I am a completely different person now, in control of my emotions and actions. Regardless, if I ever figure out how to sort things out, I don't know if my brand new, ameliorated second impression will ever capture his attention. Till then this is the second one is the lengthy installment of poetry ideas that have lined up in my conscious mind. 

A Devious Wait 

Hopes, so sweet so mellow

Heart, slow down now.

Tears, you no longer belong to the pillow;

Smile, step out and take a graceful bow. 

My love swiftly touched my hand

And off he went with a mischievous lull.

I waited, how I waited with the each falling grain of sand!

Till the names engraved on stone grew dull. 

I danced in harmony to my own tunes, 

My wings took me places far and wide

Till I was captivated in these mystical runes,

Of unaccustomed complexities, I lost my stride.

Time unravels your disguised faults;

Yet, these, my eyes refuse to see. 

Why have you been raised to such great exalts?

With every question, my rationale refuses to agree. 

My love, will you ever perceive? 

That whilst you look elsewhere for praise,

I stand here with invalidated beliefs,

And yearn to be the entity of your lingering gaze.

Talk now, for this silence needs to be shaded

With tender promises of companionship. 

I would give up my right to breathe, if persuaded

That my name will forever stay in your mind's grip.

#18 Empathy

The past two months have been to mildly put it, a spiritual wake up call. And as a result, I've been writing a lot of poetry which is a good thing. This one is dedicated to the one special person, that I might or might not have met yet, I'm still clueless in that aspect of my life. If I haven't met you yet, I hope you show up soon (says the romantic in me). 

Empathy

I want to wake up by your side

After smoke stung eyes and crashing against the tides. 

Words leave my mind, but never reach my lips

Emotions rise like a new moon with their own quips. 

Can I cope and stray away from the temptation?

In the darkest stupors, your voice is the revelation

Regardless of how far I walk, how far I run

The roots have been sown deep, the misdeed's already been done. 

I want you to stand by my side

Camouflage my fears, contain my pride. 

Till my bones nourish trees and my soul renews

I will hold the diamond chest, pay all unresolved dues.

Never enough, never complete

My resources of boundless love and joy, you replete.

The spark that will rise out of our future's ember

Bleaches out the darkness and mistakes so we shall never remember. 

I want to learn and grow by your side

When summer's sun burns, under your shadow I can hide.

Beneath the autumn leaves and stars, breaths gain synchronicity

As two beings embark on the illuminated path of felicity.

Shatter all your old walls, let me be the new cornerstone

I'll be your well, deep enough to drown all the hindrances that are thrown.

When winter arrives, there will be the warmth of passion and clarity

Nourishing our existence with the promise of eternal serenity. 

# 17 Atonement

Atonement 

Words are worth diamonds,

But pockets are lined with dimes. 

With a pristine light on an island, 

Melodies are made with wanderlust chimes.

A bird chirps in the distance,

Blending a secret with its song.

The trees aware of its existence,

Rustle their leaves to harmonize along. 

Mystic yet unconcealed, 

A paradox of all sorts.

The song is sung not to mislead, 

But to guide the audience to a throne of quartz.

For sand is the time gone by,

Still holding on to an exuberant history.

With the hum of a lullaby,

It tells the story of an eluded victory.

Emotions over intellect was the choice, 

Stallions of the imagination were set free

Wild and self-ruling, galloping with rejoice,

They reached the shores of the aquamarine sea. 

It's waters as clear as an unmarred heart.

It's sea bed filled with shells of fervor,

Like two lovers that were never meant to part, 

The waves merge with the angels of the preserver. 

The days turn cold in the heat of a burned out sun

Yet the wind carries a beauty so poignant, 

One's nethermost worries are shed, as if they were none,

Everything comes to be under the spell of atonement. 

No fight has ever ensued on this plane.

As an intricate intimacy prevails,

Further cemented by the elegant, gentle rain -

A protection of mother nature's own lush veil. 

The air is intoxicated with the fragrance of patchouli, 

Bringing in an alluring transient trance.

With a joy that touches mountains of epitome, 

Ecstasy embarks on an eternal dance. 

Dandelions of illumination release their passion for life, 

Delicately spreading tranquility with effervescence.

This is the victory with no potent strife, 

When one abandons all, but acceptance. 

#16 Derangement

Derangement

The mistake was mine. 

Never knew a fathom would ever twine.

Like a noose leading to my destruction,

A fate like this was out of my deduction. 

It all started in simple ways 

A doe was caught within their gaze.

Destiny's lions started lurking,

With their glorious manes, they were smirking.

For their prey was naive and within law she abides,

Releasing their claws they went all in, attacking from all sides. 

Diminished to bare flesh and bones,

There she was left bleeding all alone. 

She gathered her remaining strength,

Her courage and will stretched beyond it's length. 

For she was a fighter who saw the sun,

Even in days so dark, the moon had shun. 

Searching for the lake of rejuvenation, 

Little did she know, ahead lay more abjection. 

Stumbling on her fragile limbs,

Off she went into a future much more grim.  

Into the grid of happenstances' cavernous path,

Where the feisty winds blew with more wrath. 

Like layers, unveiling one by one

Misfortunes fell as the fabrics of her remaining luck un-spun.

Her bones felt as though pierced with stakes, 

Though her conscience was strong, her body was barely awake. 

Trapped, she almost surrendered, 

For everything she had known was unrelentingly rendered, 

Wrong and fictitious, it was all an illusion and deluded. 

She found shelter in a area so secluded, 

One could hear their souls' cries echo past the wall.

She explored the place with her mind and heart locked in a brawl. 

As a calmness of acceptance filled through her being, 

She slept for the first time, without seeing

The shroud of delirium that had been her recent strife

Over her head hung a knife, 

A knife of discouragement that tore through one's will

All that was left was a breathing hollow, that lay so still.

Defeated, the doe gave up her right, 

To harness her strength and continue the fight. 

Left devoid of all faith and devotion, 

She let herself be eluded of all emotion.

I am the doe, and the doe is me,

For in the plight of such circumstances, one can't see

A saviour present no where in near sight, 

In this darkness, one cannot find the light. 

All I can do is lay here and wait

Soon enough this pain will fade and abate.