#2. First turbulence.

Luck. Hope. Aspirations. Crossing out the luck part, i started college with the latter two. Guess i forgot to read the fine prints. Somewhere along the way they transformed into frustration and a definite need to discover my true self (as cliched as it might sound).

Ever since i can remember, as a kid my happiest moments were when i was in an airplane or watching the stars.  The solar system, the galaxies and the cosmos in its whole magnificent self enamor me. I get into a sort of semi-trance while stargazing. It is, for me, an understated ecstasy.

I am an indian and ultimately life boils down to two things for a girl - either have a promising career or get married.  Luckily, I have been blessed with wonderful parents who don't believe in the above societal notion and have given me the freedom to live my life on my own terms. I have never been pressurized to do anything or over excel. But it is an innate tendency of mine to be the best in whatever i do. Failure is not easy on me. So it was obvious that i would choose one of the most difficult professions.  I started of with wanting to do Astrophysics, but i couldn't see myself stuck in a lab all day and hence chose the closest form of engineering- Astronautical. Excited and over-joyous i began my journey but then came the unexpected detour.

As i metamorphosed from an over-enthusiastic freshman to a worn out junior,  i realized that  i wanted to  soar through the sky like a airplane. Spread my metaphoric colossal wings and glide through the icy, rapturing wind. Rather than being the one propelling the magnificence into the amaranthine sky and then stand back and watch as my envisage takes off, leaving me behind in a trail of envious abjection .

I am a free spirit "trapped" in an engineer's mind and whenever this free spirit bounces of a mutant idea- it brews a concoction of agitated disturbance.

#1. First take-off.

Cigarettes and chocolate soy milk, my companions. Typing with a sprained right hand and twisted left leg(and a highly twisted mind due to recent events). 'Explosions in the sky' blasting off in the background along with the wall clock going 'tick-tock-i'm -gonna -give-you-a-major-mind-block', a hideously painful reminder that currently i am "un-studentefied". Yes, that is a word in my personal vocabulary defined as 'A highly pressurized University student forced to take up "a light semester" due to "unforeseen circumstances". '
 

I am a victim. A victim of an idle mind. A victim of lost apathy. A victim of life's devious itinerary. But i beg to differ; my life isn't and hasn't ever been like a roller coaster. Its more synonymous with an international airport with halted operations due to an electrifying explosion of some dormant Icelandic volcano named "PURSCREWDUEYOU"
 

Chaos and reduced visibility. Aircraft's grounded and thousands of people stranded. People who started out with a set itinerary, a confirmed seat, a set destination, now scampering about the airport like a bunch of homeless chaps. Miles away from their loved ones, they wait day in and day out for the smog to clear. For a flight to take off. They don't care about the direct route or a business class seat anymore. All that matters now is getting to their destination , hail come or volcano explode.

Downfall and a bleak future. Everything that the heart ever built, gone and all habitual tendencies left alone. I started out with a set plan, a confirmed agenda, a set destination. Yet now am left wandering around aimlessly in the smog of abrupt change. A change though very transient, yet leaves behind a persistent renewing memo - always expect the unexpected. I am apathetic towards my previously set plan nor do i want to take a comfortable path- a yet unearned luxury. I am waiting for my life to take off. Take -off in the direction of my destination, come detours or missteps galore.