#4. First Love.

Lately i have been in such a good mood these days, probably a result of good weather, good food, good books and good music. I feel nothing can bring me down. Sure, i have my weak moments when ghosts of decisions past come back to haunt me, but i have learnt to get through and banish them with this "I love" list i made a few days back.
I hear so many people saying over and over again how they hate themselves and blah blah blah. (Not to lie, i belonged to that lot once too) But while making this list ( which was a suggestion from a very beloved teacher) I realized that it was absolutely irrational on my part to hate myself when i love the many things that i do. Gloating in self pity never got anyone anywhere. I couldn't even come up with a single reason as to why i should despise my life. So to anybody reading this i would strongly suggest to make a similar list , and notice how by the end of it you fall in love with YOURSELF all over again and have a huge ear to ear grin plastered on your face. =)

I love my family.
I love the opportunities they have provided for me.
I love driving my parents crazy and being a spoilt brat.
I love teasing and annoying my pesky  little brother.
I love the view from my house back in U.A.E.
I love shopping.
I love having weird/ non-sensical conversations.
I love having intellectual arguments.

I love laughing until my stomach hurts.

I love sobbing and crying while watching romantic dramas.

I love it that i am an emotional person.
I love being a hopeless romantic.
I love helping others.
I love making others happy.
I love it when i'm happy.
I love going to museums, especially contemporary art ones.
I love art.
I love  my tattoos.
I love reading.
I love writing.
I love writing poetry.
I love Astronomy.
I love watching foreign films.
I love the smell of fresh flowers.
I love flowers, especially orchids and tiger lilies.
I love chilly early mornings.
I love listening to sappy-romantic hindi songs.
I love singing along to those sappy- romantic hindi songs.
I love putting on my headphones and getting lost in the music.
I love eating cereal with warm milk.
i love rain.
i love greenery.
I love long drives along the shore.
I love swimming.
I love love stories.
I love the feeling of a good book in my hands.
I love cozying up with a good book, a mocha and hazelnut latte/masala chai at Greyhouse while it pours outside.
I love walking barefoot on the beach, as the cold waves crash against my legs.
I love the sea breeze.
I love deserts.
I love the sand dunes. 
I love sunrises.
I love sunsets.
I love staying up late at night, doing absolutely nothing.
i love watching movies in the theatre
I love waiting for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet.
i love clear, blue skies.
I love daydreaming.
i love my current hair color - reddish brown
I love my unequal eyes.
I love my crooked nose.
I love fashion.
i love wasting my time browsing through fashion blogs.
I love my telescope.
I love Astronautical engineering.
I love Purdue.
I love taking long walks, when the weather is gorgeous.
I love unique-vintage stuff.
I love scarves.
I love shoes.
I love perfumes.
i love lipsticks.
I love indie music.
I love house and lounge and world music.
I love my electric guitar.
I love receiving small, thoughtful gifts.
I love giving gifts and seeing the smile on the other persons eyes.
I love earrings.
I love wine.
I love roller skating.
I love HIMYM, Big bang theory, outsourced and modern family.
I love the fact that i am such a sucker for romance.
I love sleeping and dreaming.
I love getting lost in a distant fantasy world
I love learning about other cultures.
I love my culture.
I love beautiful but weird things
i love physics.
i love metaphysics.
i love wasting time
i love poetry.
I love chocolate truffles.
I love playing scrabble.
I love playing angry birds.
I love the fact that i am technologically challenged yet somehow manage to fix my computer on my own.
I love the colors salmon pink, coral and sea green.
I love black.
I love purple.
I love red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting
i love hearing the birds chirp.
I love magic. I love miracles.
I love tiramisu.
I love andy warhol's art.
I love my room.
I love my purple chair.
I love my wardrobe.
I love the idea of being in love.
I LOVE MYSELF. (In an absolutely non-narcissistic way)

#3. First Mechanical Failure (Warning : Extremely profound and philosophical)

A mutant idea. A weird dream. The human brain is a labyrinth. Once an idea or a notion sets motion inside your mind, it doesn't settle until it's purpose is attained. A debate marathon begins. The subconscious mind begins manipulating the conscious mind into semi-believing a non-existent reality. Confusion is an usual side-effect.  

Sitting in a cafe, a mutant idea was born within my conscious cognizance. Do i see the world in metaphoric black and white or do i feel the colors surrounding me? Do i see the true me or do i see the perception others have of me ? After days of reading numerous self help books (which in fact were no help at all) and self-contemplation, the answer was crystal clear. I was holding myself down. I had formed a habit of seeing the ending before the beginning and drowning out my actual potential in thoughts which seem so nonsensical now.  Realization is the greatest self help one can give to thyself. “With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world.”- Dalai Lama

 
Shattering the obscure black and white lens hiding my true perception,  everything seemed new. My life's puzzle pieces came together harmoniously  to form a true evaluation of my goals, ambitions, wants and needs. 

"In faith that I'll be true to myself, i find me." Though realization comes comparatively easy, the endeavor undertaken later is a rough one.  True success is always precedented by downfall and mis-experiences. The journey undertaken after a failure is what strengthens one and propels them towards success.  Metaphoric with an aircraft, the turbulent lift created beneath the wings, balanced by the strength of the metallic frame and the intense, somewhat chaotic engine is what propel the aircraft. Without the capricious wind, the aircraft is nothing but a piece of molded metal. Turbulence in life is a necessary evil. One starts to take things for granted if life's a smooth sailing.  Life comes with its own set of faulty manufacturing, engine failures and  a sudden drop in altitude. 

A couple of months back,  a figurative mechanical failure occurred. Somewhere along the set flightpath, the auto-pilot mode that i had been in since middle school, broke down due to a virus - cognitive contemplation. And i had no idea as to which direction was i supposed to steer in. This actually forced me to start seeing things the way i wanted to, and not the worldly perception of them. I had a choice; a choice of following a hackneyed map or tracing my own. As frustrating as this new found discovery was, it was all the more exhilarating. I was and am finally in control. I don't feel like a lost sheep flying in an alien air space anymore. I have learnt to do things that put a smile on my face. I have finally outlined my own flight route. All i am waiting for now, is the engines to heat up - the right opportunities, and the re-take off.